Twitter Ettiquette: The Definition of Awkward IRL (Guest Post)

Guest post by anonymous. You’ll see why.

The definition of awkward:

1. socially uncomfortable; unsure and constrained in manner;
2. hard to deal with; especially causing pain or embarrassment;
3. meeting somebody IRL and realising that you stopped following them on Twitter because they bored the tits off you.

Not too long ago, I had the pleasure of meeting several members of my Twitter crew in person for the first time at ad:tech. Given the personal nature of my tweets, this had the potential to be humiliating, but I found my followers to be as appealing IRL as they are online. Well, the ones I follow back, that is.

When assessing whether to re-follow somebody, I read their bio and their last 5 tweets only. Then, if I follow them back, they have about a week to prove that they’re worthy.

Disqualification is awarded for the following reasons:

• you tweet more than one picture of food per week. I don’t give a shit about what you ate for lunch unless it was something particularly awesome.
• you tell me what you’re listening to every time you fire up your iTunes. Don’t care.
• your tweets generally contain more than two hashtags or links. My eyes can’t be fucked picking out the message. If you even have one.
• you flood my stream with an inane conversation that should be carried out over DM. Yes, I have Tweetdeck, but I don’t see why I should have to create a group to sift out idiots when I can just remove them altogether. I don’t like to play favourites – you’re either in or out.
• you tell me what you’re watching every time you turn on your TV. Don’t care.
• you only ever tweet about work. Unless you’re a high-class whore, your professional monologue probably isn’t going to interest me that much. Share something personal and make yourself human to me.
• you tell me where you’re going every time you leave your house. Don’t care.
• you insult other tweeters in seriousness.
• you tweet a public @reply to your boyfriend or girlfriend containing the word “baby” or “xox”.
• you’re boring.

Back to ad:tech… No less than three times throughout the conference, I was approached by strangers who shook my hand and introduced themselves by their Twitter handle. “We follow each other!” they said confidently, as I mentally scrambled to place them.

“Oh yes,” I wanted to reply, “Well we did, but I’m afraid you just didn’t cut it.”

And herein lies potentially the only reason I would use Qwitter. Not to see who stops following me or what tweet may or may not have inspired them to give me the chop.  But to prevent myself from claiming a connection to somebody that has been broken on their side, and making myself look like a dickhead.

Now everybody who met somebody at ad:tech is going through their followers to see if I am talking about them.

Also of interest:

• Ben Phillips: 5 Twitter mannerisms and how they’d appear in real life
• Does Twitter ‘cheapen’ your friendships?
• Twitter.xxx
• I’ll tweet your secret in a minute
• Twitter @ SMX 2009
• Social Networks and Time: Some Visual Thoughts
• A Digital Perspective: Sandra Davey
• ad:tech 2009: Twitter
• Twitter rant, /rant
• Twitter: My Honest (Irrational?) Thoughts and Fears